Embrace Fear

Want to know a secret? Fear has been one of my closest companions my whole life.

Here’s a fact, Fear is a strong source of motivation, sometimes the strongest. Here’s another fact, that motivation can get you to better places, the problem is that more often than not it seems to motivate you to turn and run in the opposite direction, or just freeze sporting the dumbest face you’re capable of.

Do you want to know another secret?  Fear probably just wants to help you to reach that better place but the wacko has not the best sense of direction so you need add your two cents too, it’s just trying to give you some advice, you can take it, ignore it, or bend it, letting Fear lead probably won’t end pretty well but once you turn it into a team work chances are that you weren’t condemned to doom after all.

This conversation happened last Wednesday regarding this illustration:

- Not your best, is it?

-...o_O…well it’s not that bad…

-She seems calculating, you should fix it

-…. yeah ….. a pity there’s no time, it’s going in the mail tomorrow morning, and it’s such a tiny area that is going to be difficult to lift it completely, and probably will look weirder after that, there’s no time to redo the whole thing if I ruin it, it really needs to be in the mail tomorrow blah blah blah…

-Change · it

-O_O

Rest assured I was the one getting the blows. It’s unsettling to get that kind of straight feedback -not to mention nailed critique- right the night before I want to mail the thing. And all the blabber? That’s a lot of stupid excuses pouring out of my mouth as fast as Fear whispers them in my ear.

I’m always telling fellow painter friends to just go for a change they are pondering, that it won’t be ruined, that once you’ve done something you can do it again if bad comes to worse, and every time I’ve firmly believed every bit of it.

When you have something that you know is not working, and the chances are either leaving it as is (just to avoid ruining something that you know isn’t good enough), or changing it and maybe fixing it... it’s a no brainer, isn’t it? You go for it and make it better.

Now insert Fear and my own work: bye-bye no-brainer, hello brain shutdown, let’s hold hands and run up the hills.

And then is when being friends with Fear might be an advantage. Maybe - just maybe – I’ll give it a knowing look and say “hey why not trying to lift it? Imagine if I screw up, that’s gonna be the kind of panic attack that you’re going to love fueling, look forward to it while I rework this, will you?”

Yes, in the end it took more time arguing through that conversation and defending the case in my brain than it took to just get to the task and repaint that face.

It’s a fact that Fear is going to be there right by your side sometimes, so you might as well befriend it, enjoy your time together and make the best out of it!

Make a wish

Last year I went on a Thank You quest by the end of the year, I felt it was important to show appreciation to the people that made my year better one way or another.

Loved to do it. I don't do this every year, neither I send christmas cards, honestly I seldom text people for christmas, when I do I want it to be special and personal and hopefully make that person's day a little bit brighter.

Have you ever made new year resolutions? or a new year planning? or a wish list? I have, it's private, just for me, with musts, goals and wild wishes.

Last month -thinking about the next year's one and revisiting my last year one- have made me realize how important the wishes section on that list is.

That's why this year I've gone and done little paintings again, proper christmas cards this time, filled with stars ready to grant all kind of wishes.

So make a wish, make many, from the heart, believe that you can make them happen and go for it!

May 2012 be your best year yet.

Christmas ramblings

When I woke up this morning I was complaining in my mind about the horrible rainy dark cold and early morning I'd have to face and how I should just rebel against the world by staying in bed warm and cozy under the duvet, then I thought that hey, christmas lottery day should have a sweet surprise for me so it wouldn't be that bad to get up and moving.

I didn't win the Christmas national lottery today. I honestly thought I should be one of the winners this year but alas, Lady Luck messed it up again and got lost somewhere in the way. Yet this morning - while it was still dark and the sky filled with stars and a fantabulous full moon hidden somewhere behind those rainy clouds - I was feeling like running, dancing and jumping to the rhythm of Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine" in my way to the subway. So I guess it's been a good day after all, right? That's the interesting thing about days, that they let you see how relative good and bad can be.

I've been thinking about my 2010 and pondering all that's happened and all that hasn't, trying to see things in perspective, how good has "good" been and how bad has "bad" been and how much they've mingled and changed coats or how much they've been totally apart from each other and true to themselves.

While doing all that thinking I've spent the last couple of weeks painting like crazy these little tokens of appreciation, I only have these 2 to show, the first and the last, the ones who haven't carried messages to so many special people yet, the ones that will carry it for you, I've loved to chat, laugh, rant and drool with you so far, I've had the chance to tighten bonds with dear old friends, met some new and enjoy lots of art, anecdotes and insight. I hope to be able to walk through this road with you all in the year to come, with the occasional stop for bed and breakfast?

Is this a Merry Christmas post? Yes it is, bear with me and my ramblings for this one, pretty please? And forgive me for not fixing that scanned crazy red but I wasn't in the mood, after all I haven't won the lottery today, remember? Now go and have fun!

WN Gouache Chart

I haven't painted anything with my new gouache yet but after making this colour chart yesterday I already know I'm going to love it, looks easy to use, not too problematic at first try (though it may depend on each different colour pigments), so some highlights so far:

- It gets the overworking pretty well, I came once and again with more pigment, plain water, dabbed back and forth and no damage was done to the chart at all.

- It "feels good" to the brush touch, pretty soft and with a good flow, even straight from the tube.

- After applying it to the watercolour paper and playing with the pigment on the palette I'd say it'll be a good medium to use on smooth papers: HP, bristol and illustration boards, yupo, gessoed papers and such. Every single colour could be extended evenly on the plastic palette going once and again over it with the brush without leaving brushtrokes, the only exception to this was the Ivory Black that seems to like to gather into small separated drops as soon as the brushtroke is finished (remember, on a plastic palette), probably a thicker appliance will make it behave like the rest of the colours though that's just my assumption and haven't tried it yet.

- The Phthalo Blue looks at first sight closer to my watercolor Manganese Blue than to phthalo, but since my watercolor phthalo is from Winsor&Newton and they make just green shade or red shade I guess it's just that I don't have a good referral to how a pure phthalo should look like.

- They don't lift as easily as watercolor. See how nothing changed at all when a big drop of water accidentally fell on the Raw Umber, after it dried the pigment hadn't lifted and moved a single bit even being an area where it was pretty thick, nice!

- The water bucket ended up completely dirty after using few paint, only a tip of the brush from each tube, but then when I emptied it there were no sediment at all in the bottom of the bucket, interesting.